CITIZEN’S ARREST…
I have to talk about a recent incident that got me thinking about when to insert myself into a situation that does not directly involve me. I was walking down my block in Brooklyn, on my way to the cleaners. I live directly across the street from a middle school, so often I see students coming and going from class.
On this particular day, as I was walking down the street, about a quarter of a block in front of me were four middle school girls, walking ahead of me. But they were about my size, just a tad shorter. The girls were singing and shouting at the top of their lungs, as well as laughing, all typical activity for young girls. But then something happened that left me shocked and appalled.
A woman turned the corner and was walking towards us. I was still about a quarter of a block behind the girls. So the woman would pass them first. She passed the first two girls who barley noticed her. But the last girl, who was lagging behind a bit did something unforgivable. As this woman passed closely by the girl, the girl reached over and touched one of the woman’s breast and quickly flipped it up (just for the sake of reference I will note that the woman was a generous A cup, so it seemed like she didn’t have a bra on, but she had on two layered t-shirts). The woman, who was clearly shocked, stopped and looked at the girl. The girl kept walking, but was laughing hysterically at what she had done and began telling her friends what just happened. The woman was clearly mortified but kept walking.
Then as the woman got further up the street, she yelled out the f-word, and that was all she said. I kept walking but the girls stopped and I wondered as I got closer to them if we would have any kind of negative interaction. Interestingly enough, one of the girls innocently asked me for a quarter (not the one that flipped the breast). I said that I didn’t have one, but I have to admit my heart raced a bit. Here’s why. I hear countless stories about girls in gangs, especially in New York. In fact a 16 year old girl was recently arrested in the city on two separate murder charges. These girls seemed a bit detached from morality. And while I wanted to say something to these girls about their behavior, something inside of me told me to mind my business and walk on by, so I did.
I can’t stop thinking about that woman, who didn’t seem to speak much English. She was a very thin, young, Asian woman. She must have felt so violated. I know I would have. But had she retaliated, I believe without question she would have had a fight on her hands. And that breaks my heart. What influenced these girls to be so disrespectful of other people and themselves? I mean these girls didn’t even know this woman. And the girl, with her friends approval, felt she had every right to touch that woman in that way.
Quite frankly, I am also surprised at myself. I was disgusted at what I saw. And usually when I see kids acting up, I have something to say. In adult to child kind of way. Especially since the girls were Black like me. But these girls, as I said before, seemed unable to feel remorse. And I felt like stepping in, even to let them know what they did was wrong, would have proved harmful for me. But I can’t help but feel guilty about not standing up for that woman.
Its a terrible feeling that as i was reading your blog, i was not in shock. I work for homeland security and i have noticed that the majority of the perps i encounter are girls. And they think they are tough. So unlady like. It is disgusting. I try and keep these thuggettes away from my circle of family. That is a very brazen act. I hope that someone will speak up next time this happens, because there needs to be a criminal sexual conduct charge on that young lady just as there would be if it were a male. And for some reason, Jacque, these girls think it is HIP to do these kinds of things. I’ll leave it at that so i dont start to offend anyone.
Okkkk…and Wow!! I’m trying to collect my thoughts after reading this story. Upsetting! –this was soooo unacceptable and disrespectful of these three teen girls. Their behavior of violating an individual and asking you for a “QUARTER!” was foolish. What can a quarter get her!?!? scarrry!!(–am I missing something!?!) nooo I’m not! Then there was the other girl that thought it was cute and funny to laugh at each incident. I’m sure this wasn’t the first time that at least two of these girls have had explicit confrontation with an innocent stranger. If they continue this behavior their path will eventually lead them to self-destruct! …which will be another saddd case of young black females that will end up with a criminal statistical profile.
Jacque, after arriving to your place of residence and getting thru the initial shock of what you had experience I can only imagine how emotionally and psychologically this bothered you. “It would have bothered me also”. I feel SPEECHLESS! But, I know that giving up on our troubled teens and becoming silent on these issues is not how we can help aid in resolving problems such as this one. But, “What Does One Doooo!” when you’re in a position as you were walking home from running errands? In an instant life place you in a compromising position and sometimes “clear and present danger”. A Citizen’s Arrest can also place you in harms way especially when you’re acting alone.
You’ll notice I never acknowledged these three individuals as..”Young Ladies”. Let’s keep them in their place when they step out of theirs.
I applaud you on how wise you were in assessing your surroundings for the sake of your own SAFETY. After, giving it much thought personally I would have handled the situation the same way.
Thanks for the various stories you share with us on your blog and of course “The Tom Joyner Morning Show”
Thank You Jacque for taking a stand, delivering and representing allll women of the human race. Wishing you the best of success that God has to offer you!!
Let me guess…all the girls referred in this story were black? How sad that you have to acknowledge the victim as an Asian woman, but do not highlight or have the courage to call out the the perpetrators skin color.
WOW!! That’s all I can say! That was VERY shocking to hear. I agree with how you handled it,especially knowing about the female gangs in the area. In response to comment #3 by Guess, go back and read the story. Jacque did acknowledge the ethnicity of the perpetrator.
I understand more than most what you probably experienced due to my involvement in an afterschool program. For six years I coached and sponsored a high school girls stepteam in Freeport, L.I.. The one thing I did notice is that some of the younger girls(freshmen mainly) didn’t know how to handle discipline and lacked many manners that were taught from the home.
In your case, I would’ve just walked into the school and reported those young girls. You confronting them alone could’ve been dangerous in these days and times. Me, I would’ve confronted them on their behavior because I’m a male and much bigger than you as you already know.
Now with all that being said, if you do remember what they all look like, if you should ever see one alone you should first introduce yourself as who you are(young girls respond to celebrity) and then ask the young lady how do you think that lady felt who had her breast flipped. Alot of the times teens react diferrent to adults when there is no immediate peer present.
you were in a tough position,deep down inside you wanted to help but sometimes we have to use our better judgement.you can not help every situation you incounter but you can pray in all that you come across.GOD knows your heart and he knows we cant save everyone but we can Pray,keep doing your good work,stay up GOD BLESS
I had a bad dream recently about four teenage girls and the lack of disrepect that these girls had in the dream. I’ve never personally encountered this (I say personally) but I live in between One middle school, One high school and two elementary schools in central Harlem and at 2:00 pm the language and the things that I hear young girls say shock me every day. When I am in my neighborhood store in the mornings I hear the girls say thing to the young men that you wouldn’t hear a lady of the evening say in mixed company. When did bad language seen to be the normal? I can understand Ms. Reid why you didn’t say anything. Sometimes you have to size a situation and think self first. Will I be ok if I say something? Will these four girls attack me? Is there someone around that will help me? I bet you the young lady that touched that womans breast had the same thing happen to her years earlier and she never got the help that she needed when she was young, so she doesn’t know boundaries and morals. Bird that flock together will act the same.
My suggestions to you is if you feel you want to help is to speak to the school principle and see if they have an assembly and or a group mediator in the school that can have an assembly on street behavior open up the dialogue in a safe setting. The youth have to be train in good behavior and bad behavior and if we all stay silent this behavior will go on.
Peace & Blessings
Soror,
It’s a sad world we live in when you witness girls with no guidance and no self respect. It doesn’t matter the race or the class. Trust me! I attended a high school football game (predominately white) where young girls on a Pep Squad were dancing to an un-edited version to rap songs using the N-word, B-word, etc…! My daughter said “Mommy, they don’t care about us! Well, that started my emails and letters to the schools and the archdiocese! The Pep squad coach was fired and girls were not allowed to perform the rest of the school year. The same week, I was waiting for my daughter to get out of school and I overheard a group of girls talking to each other and one yelled out ” B—-, come get your books!” I was appalled! I took a deep breath, approached the girls in a non-confrontational way and explained to them that why their language was unexceptable. They apologized to each other! Sometimes our girls just need to be taught how to act. If no one has ever told them differently, they don’t know. . . Scary on so many levels but, true.. . .
Although I am very disturbed by this story, I am however, not shocked at all.
First let me address one of the Guess #3. Jackie did acknowledge the color of the girls, let’s read throughly please.
I am sickened daily by the behavior that I see within our communities especially with our young women and men. It is as if they no long have respect for themselves or others. It raises the question of what are they seeing in their homes. I am a single mother of two boys. I refuse to let them be disrespectful to me or to others. I believe that this generation of single mothers and MIA fathers contribute to the lack of morality within children. They do not moral examples within their homes and often learn this behavior from television, friends, and yes even from family members.
I understand your fear for your safety and that fear is justified. No longer are the days of neighbors disciplining neighborhood children because they are not disciplined at home first. They will kill you for the pleasure of it. I am not saying that this is the case of all of our youth but a growing majority of them. It saddens me greatly and I pray for our children daily as well as my own.
Somehow we need to get back the respect of ourselves, others, and our families. I have so much that I want to say, but my heart is truly heavy about the state of our black children.
Jacque you handled the situation correctly and I’m sorry that you had to witness such an ugly picture of our black youth. However, reality seems to have a way of confronting us eventually. The adage “the apple don’t fall far from the tree” is the overlying image we forget. The sad part these were young middle school girls that obviously have been raised in an emvironment that thinks this type of behavior is okay. I’m no psychologist but I do know behavior is learned. But we MUST take some kind of action now that reality has hit us in the face.
“Comment by Guess — June 8, 2009 @ 10:46 pm
Let me guess…all the girls referred in this story were black? How sad that you have to acknowledge the victim as an Asian woman, but do not highlight or have the courage to call out the the perpetrators skin color.”
Laughing and pointing@ ^^^^^^^^^^^^
It starts 4 lines from the bottom on your right!
“Especially since the girls were Black like me”.
Hey Guest, add me on facebook, reading is essential!
Well, this story is rather appalling, in the same respect as it is “norm” behavior for inner city kids and suburban kids who hear this kind of “cool crap” and want to go try it also…Now I know that some people will say “Not my kids” but it is your kids too…Even if they are not doing the acts; they are entertain by them or are encouraging them as the in the story…Her friends didn’t tell her to stop, but Ms. Reid wanted to…I’m glad Ms. Reid used her judgment and closed her mouth… I was fortunate enough to be pulled out of this atmosphere at an early age, only to go back to the high school I started, Hillcrest H.S, in Jamaica Queens; to intern as a teacher for a semester(The Irony: I was teaching Alternate Dispute Resolution..Oy Vey)…The mentalities of some inner city minorities … quote me on this… “are screwed.” Too much weed, too much rap, and too much freedom, and no fear of consequence! Not only that, some of their parents were, and are still too young/not mature enough to parent kids. I commend Ms. Reid on wanting to take the initiative on curbing these “kids’” or the young lady’s behavior, however, how long was that “tongue lashing” going to last. Bi sexuality is cool, fallacio @ 10/11 yrs old…cool! I think a lot of parents over 40 are out of touch, too busy trying to befriend their kids instead of being parents. I remember being scared of my Bajan mother, Bajan grandmother, and my auntie and she didn’t even live in America (my father lived with me but even he was having maturity issues and he’s a Dr.) …I wish I had more time, but I leave you guys with this….Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it faaaaaar from them! Pick your battles wisely…
Respectfully,
Jason K. Spencer, M.B.A., A.D.R. Cert.,
This is ridiculous and sad that young girls can have such low self-esteem as to violate someone else to feel powerful or acknowledged. I do think once they initated conversation with you, you should have taken the opportunity to ask the girl “why she did what did to the asian lady”. I agree with one of the other comments as well that there should be criminal sexual conduct crime charged as as the young black girl, if a young man would have done this to a young lady, a crime would have result. We are losing our kids and teens to unneccessary actions and events. We as a community need to focus on our kids and stop trying to lump them into every other categories. This really disturbs me, sickening.
I know the feeling. Sometimes it’s best to keep walking. With today’s society and it’s messed up laws, you would probably end up in more trouble over that incident, than those youths would be in. You’d have a fight with those youth, and the law, for beating up on minors. Things were different when corporal punishment was allowed in our society and schools, and kids had more respect for elders. Society seems to be slipping into a very dismal abyss. But it’s by divine will, so we can’t do anything about that. Just do the best we can. I don’t blame you, Jacque, your hands were tied, from a human stand point, by our laws. So don’t feel bad.
Tough call, Jacque. As a black man who used to walk in the city I ran into those situations all of the time. Sometimes interference can lead to bloodshed, or worst. Often it’s best just to look the other way as you did. Those are not your children.
However, I have to share this with you. Once, while walking in downtown Detroit, of all places, I did stop and I said something. It was to three or four young knucklehead boys who were being very disrespectful to the women who walked by. I stopped them and told them that there was a better way to behave and a better way to live, a better way to approach a woman.
Shocked that someone would stand up to them, they stopped and apologized then we engaged in a long conversation about life and God. Before it was over we were praying and they were crying. The cops stopped to see if my party was alright and if they were bothering us. We told them that we were find and we invited the young kids to church.
Those boys actually thanked me for showing some concern. It was one of the most meaningful encounters I’ve ever had. I’ll never forget it.
Those young hard boys were actually in tears because somebody showed that they cared. They even hugged me as we walked off.
I think you handled it as well as you could under the circumstancesas you were alone &your blackness may not have been a procvection no more then the Asian woman’s femaleness would have protected her from the assault!
I will say I live in an area where black people are only 1% of the population and the blantant disturbing, dishonor, lack of regard runs rampart here in Plesantville as much as it does in what someone reference inner city. Yes these girls needed to be corrected & shown the right way, but common sense also had to prevail which is what you showed.
Jacque, I can relate to the quandry that you found yourself in. I was at the movie theater one evening with my 14-year-old son and there were three teenage black girls in front of me being very loud and rowdy. I flashed them that “Black Momma” look (you know the one!). I’ve done this on countless occasions- in the mall or in other places when our kids where acting out. I have a heart for young people and much of my work centers on helping them to succeed. There isn’t much that intimidates me, but for the first time, I was actually afraid that these girls would retaliate. This won’t be the last time I accept my village responsibility to correct our children, but I will be very mindful of the Holy Spirit’s leading. And when it tells me to mind my own business, I will!
I don’t tolerate the lack of home training and disrespect from anyones children. I’m always prepared for the attack if they feel the need to do so and they will suffer the consequences for their actions. I refuse to turn the other cheek when I see children doing wrong in public and in my presence. A lot of parents stopped raising their children years ago and it shows daily. We keep ignoring the problem and the disease grows daily. We want to see a better quality of life but we aren’t willing to do anything to change it.